You’re So Last Summer- Taking Back Sunday

Laying down next to me in the grassy, dew-covered field is Ryan- his balled-up jacket placed under our heads to serve as a pillow. The stars are gazing down at us as we hopelessly attempt to identify constellations, laughing as we eventually give up and start to make up up our own. I am absolutely overwhelmed by the beautiful boy who is next to me, holding my small and timid hand in his; but at the same time I feel a strange type of peace. A specific peace where the whole world feels like it has stopped around me; all that matters is this exact moment, everything else is okay, yet my heart is beating through my entire body, about to explode at any second. This exact spot behind the playground in the middle of the comfortably humid summer night is all that matters to me. He leans over and kisses me, the first time I have ever been kissed, and nothing else matters to me. Dumb, thirteen-year-old me did not yet realize that “boys like [him] are a dime a dozen”.

I treasure every night I spend over the summer sneaking out to spend time with Ryan, because he is a senior, and I am a mere sophomore who will soon see no more of him once he leaves for college. I share everything with him. My favorite movies, songs, TV shows. My dreams, desires, and fears. He fills my heart to the brim with lies about how much he cares about me, and I buy it all, until I find out he has another “girlfriend” behind my back. At first, I do not say anything about it, because I fear of losing the happiness I feel every time I am with him. I make myself completely vulnerable to him- it is almost like “the truth is [he] could slit my throat, and with my one last gasping breath I’d apologize for bleeding on his shirt”…

Finally, I confront him about it, and he explains to me that I am silly for thinking anything real could happen between us, for we were far too young to expect anything to come out of our “summer fling”, as he called it. He is the first boy I have really fallen for, and the first boy who has ever shut me down in such a way.

I am now about to graduate from high school. I do not look back on this experience with anger or hatred, for it was my first taste of heartbreak, and I was going to have to experience it at some point. (But, then again, “maybe I should hate [him] for this”)! I just find it humorously yet dismally ironic how much he enjoyed the song “You’re So Last Summer” when I first had him listen to it.